DEAR ABBY: I had my daughter later in life. I was almost 41. I am no beauty queen, but now, 12 years later, I have been asked by two different people if I am my daughter’s grandmother. It was so upsetting, I cried for weeks. I have always been self-conscious about my looks.

My daughter is now going to be a teenager. I don’t want her future high school friends thinking I am her grandma, so I’ve been contemplating plastic surgery. My family insists I don’t need it. They’re calling me vain, foolish, selfish, etc. My husband is discouraging me because of the cost. (He’s pretty frugal.)

Would it be selfish if it will make me feel better about myself? In the meantime, how do I handle any more “grandma” comments without punching someone in the nose? — NOT THAT OLD IN FLORIDA

DEAR NOT THAT OLD: In case you haven’t noticed, an increasing number of women are having children in their 40s (and a few even older). If you are contemplating cosmetic surgery only because you have a young child, a cheaper and more effective way to deal with it would be to simply tell the truth, which is that she’s your daughter.

While cosmetic surgery can make someone more confident about their looks, it is not the case for everyone. Your family should not be ridiculing you for wanting to explore the option. A licensed mental health professional can help you decide whether you need a surgical procedure or an attitude adjustment. If it’s the former, schedule an appointment with a qualified surgeon to discuss your options.

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MORE FROM DEAR ABBY:

Dear Abby: Man is unnerved by scantily clad stepdaughter

Dear Abby: Could my easygoing jocularity somehow make people think it’s okay to be rude to me?

Dear Abby: My husband isn’t into ‘trying’ to have a baby, he’d only be fine with it if it ‘just happened’

Dear Abby: My half-sister will not come to visit me, but she’ll pack a bag to travel with friends

Dear Abby: Our sexist financial adviser repeatedly calls and asks to speak to my husband

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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