DEAR ABBY: I have been married to a man I’ll call “Ed” for 15 years. We are seniors, but he is 17 years older than I am. I have three children from a previous marriage who are grown and on their own. I think my husband is gay but never came out of the closet. He watches gay porn and once confessed to me he had a fantasy about another man. For the last 10 years, he has refused to have sex and is always making excuses (“I’m old,” “I’m tired,” “Tomorrow”).

Abby, I crave love and intimacy. Ed is cold, distant and a loner. He refuses to travel or do anything for fun. He’s well-off financially, never had kids and is a good provider. However, that is all he does. I want to leave him, but I feel guilty because of his age and because he has been a responsible provider over the years. I love him as a person, but not as a husband. Please advise. — DEPRESSED AND STUCK IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR D & S: There is more to marriage than sex. There is supposed to be communication, affection, mutual respect, understanding and compassion for each other. From what you have written, you have none of those.

Address this with Ed before you freeze to death. Ask him if marriage counseling would help him to better understand your needs. If he refuses, and all you get out of this marriage is access to his money, make an appointment with an attorney to discuss what your rights may be in the “equitable distribution” state of Pennsylvania after a 15-year marriage. After that, you will have a better idea of what to do.

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