DEAR ABBY: I have been having a hard time dealing with my family. We have never been close. My mother played favorites and never showed me any affection. My siblings followed suit, and I always felt like an outsider. My father was wonderful and loved me very much, for which I am forever grateful.

Both my parents died last year. I was walking on eggshells the entire time. My brothers and sisters seemed to think that I was now a member of the family. They included me in events and told me they loved me. I was so hopeful.

After my mother’s death, I was cut out of the family again. I’m no longer invited to family celebrations or holidays. I am heartbroken and lonely. I have no one left. Family is so important to me. I am embarrassed to admit I am now estranged from everyone. Can you help? — BLACK SHEEP IN KENTUCKY

DEAR BLACK SHEEP: Unfortunately, your experience is not unique. I hear it more and more, in one variation or another. It is now time for you to build a family of your own, comprised of friendships with people you can trust. Many people do this, and when they do, find themselves happier and more rewarded than they felt with their relatives.

As you do this, do not look back. Begin not by asking for friendship, but by being honest and befriending others. Look around, and you will see them everywhere. There’s no shame in reaching out, so please do not feel embarrassed about being a member of a very large “club.”

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A GENTLE REMINDER TO PARENTS OF YOUNG CHILDREN: Tonight, wee witches and goblins will be out trick-or-treating. Please supervise them closely so they’ll be safe. Happy Halloween, everyone! — Love, ABBY

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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