DEAR ABBY: We have grown children and a grandchild who live several states away. The problem is, we don’t enjoy visiting them. Our son’s wife has an eating disorder. She’s obsessed with what SHE is going to eat next, eats some of the strangest raw vegetable combinations we’ve ever heard of and has our grandchild following suit. The child is forbidden to eat several of the foods kids like to eat.

Our son is also part of this. He is losing weight and muscle mass, and thinks he is healthy. When we visit, and it’s been years, we have to shop for a lot of food or take everyone out to eat so WE can eat, which presents challenges because of their diet preferences.

My DIL is not a gracious host and lingers over her plate, which sometimes takes an hour after everyone else has finished eating. She’s very underweight, and I’m concerned about our grandchild, especially since they balked at a beautiful roasted turkey I made at a family gathering. (Two days later, she asked for “seconds” because others were eating it.)

How do we visit and stay with them under these circumstances? I really miss my son and grandchild during the holidays, but I can’t get my husband on board because he is so outraged about the bizarreness of the situation. Having a heart-to-heart with our son would definitely put him on the defense. — WASTING TOGETHER TIME

DEAR WASTING: You aren’t going to change your son or his wife, so the alternative is to accept them for who they are — which may be vegan or vegetarian. If you decide to visit them, be prepared to stay in accommodations other than their home. Take food out of the equation and eat at your hotel or rental. If you decide to host any meals, do it at a restaurant of their choosing, and tell your husband to curb his temper. Try it next time and your visit may turn out better.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.