DEAR ABBY: My very dear friend has discovered that her live-in boyfriend of two years has been hiding $55,000 in credit card debt. This man contributes very little to the household expenses (she owns the home) and barely helps to maintain it. Instead, he spends his money on alcohol and vaping products.

He refuses to share any details about his debt and doesn’t like being asked about it. She has asked him to drink less and stop vaping entirely, but nothing has changed. What advice should I share with her? I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I want to give fair and honest advice. — FRIEND WHO CARES IN MAINE

DEAR FRIEND: If you want to give your friend fair and honest advice, wait to be asked for it. Do not offer it unsolicited because it will be ignored. If, however, she should ask, feel free to let her have it with both barrels. Her boyfriend is a substance abusing freeloader who is unwilling to change, and she deserves better.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.